This is for the two guys that tried to mug me a few days ago. To cut to the chase, I was walking the streets of Barri Gothic in Barcelona, alone, mildly inebriated, at night. At one point, I took out my cell phone to check the time. It was 02:47. While I was tucking my P1i back into my front pocket, I noticed the guy next to me was ogling it. Obviously, I got to thinking bad thoughts, but I kept on walking. As I took two more steps, a garbage truck pulled up to my left, isolating me from the other side of the street which, for some reason, was not as empty as the side I, well we were on. At that point, the dude from my right swiftly moved in front of me and slapped me on the chest,  making me stop. Mistake number one, dumbass! The garbage truck provided perfect cover. A mugging is successful only if you use the element of surprise, meaning acting before the victim realizes what's going on. I was already alert after I caught you looking at my phone and you used the single opportunity to catch me by surprise and... slapped me on the friggin' chest? Pathetic piece of shit! What you should've done was to hit me in my face, preferably an uppercut to the jaw. That would've made me lose my clarity for a while. Then, the jerk-off from in front of me starts shouting out to the other guy something, in some oriental tongue, which in my mind I translated to: "He has a cool phone, get it! Get it!" Mistake number two! Get it from where, you dumb fuck? Thankfully, the other dude, which had moved up to my right in the meantime, had some presence of mind and decided he had no other chance but to hit me. As I turned to him, I noticed his fist making its way through the air, destination: my left eyebrow. The problem was I really had a grip on what was happening and decided to dodge that fist. And that was it. I used the momentum from dodging the fist to turn around and.. run away. Mistake number three. I'm a fucking tourist, where in the fuck am I going to run to? Still, you didn't follow me and decided to see about your way on the dark, empty side of the street. And that's how I kept my dear phone, while you felt a deep sense of criminal incompetence. Still, Barcelona rocked!